When the first Lost Boys came out I was 11 and the next summer my cousins and I watched it on video so much we could recite the dialogue with the characters. It was that serious. So, you know I was annoyed past belief when they announced a sequel 20 years later, especially without anyone from the original cast. Then I heard Corey Haim and Feldman were indeed going to be in it. I wanted Kiefer Sutherland personally, but I’m thinking I’ll take what I can get.

I say all that to say, Lost Boys 2, had it been named Vampire’s Cove or something other than Lost Boys 2: The Tribe, it wouldn’t sucked as hard as it did. Clearly, the writer did not intend this movie to be a sequel, but I have a sneaking suspicion Warner Brothers, who own the rights to the characters from the first, realized how much money they could make if they threw in some tie-ins to the first movie, so call in the Corey’s. And voila, you have instant sequel.

But, as much as they tried to tie-in, they also tried to reinvent the wheel a bit. This movie has an abundance of swearing and this group of Lost Boys were way more violent than Hot Mugshot (Kiefer) Sutherland’s ragtag band from the first movie. Not even 10 minutes into the movie, you get a kill and decapitation. We are then introduced to Chris Emerson and his sister. We are never really told who these kids are related to; one can only assume they are related to the Emerson’s from the first movie. Corey Haim played Sam Emerson and Jason Patric played Michael Emerson in the first Lost Boys. They go into the story of how Chris and his sister (didn’t catch her name and I don’t care to look it up, because she’s bores me) parents were killed in an auto accident, a few years ago. We also meet crazy Aunt Jillian, her character is supposed to fill in for the Grandpa character played by the brilliant Bernard Hughes from the first one. She might be crazy, but funny she is not. There’s this useless back story about Chris being a pro-surfer, which brings us to the introduction of Shane, played by Angus Sutherland.

Sorry, Angus you are not half as sexy as big brother Kiefer’s David was in the first movie. Anugs plays this former pro-surfer who walked away from fame and glory and became a vampire leader I guess. Stupid. Further more, Shane’s gang are just a bunch of idiots who sit around stabbing each other and recording it to put on the internet. Dumb. Chris and his sister what’s her face then attend a party at Shane’s and sister gets turned. Enter Corey Feldman, wearing his exact same outfit from the first film. I bet it’s literally the same outfit; Feldman probably had that thing in storage all these years. And he utters what has to be the most stupefied sentence ever, “Your sister is a suck monkey.” At this point, it all goes down hill. I mean faster downhill. He goes on the say lines like, “Who ordered the steak?” Has he always been this bad of an actor?

Some more nonsense happens, like Feldman giving these stupid speeches, some of which he delivered in the first movie. There’s a bunch of subtle and not so subtle tie-ins to the first movie. Look for the now really fat shirtless guy playing the sax, the comic book Vampires Everywhere shows up, Grandpa’s antlers that killed my precious Hot Mugshot in the first one, there is even a blatant and stupid Goonies moment. Nice try Feldman, but you still suck!

There was one scene that I liked a little though, because there was skateboarding and motor bikes, those two things make me happy. And there was night surfing, also really cool. Oh, yeah, I failed to mention the other Corey (Haim) didn’t I? A few guesses as to why; if you do watch this, watch the credits, that’s all I’m gonna say about that. I don’t want to spoil it for you.

If I were 11 and had never heard of the first Lost Boys this movie would be still just ok. But, because I was such a fan of the first one, I can truly say it sucks. No puns intended.