First off, I knew this remake wasn’t going to be a masterpiece, most things Michael Bay and his minions turn out I usually don’t love. I really, really wanted to like this, because I’m thinking it’s a new Jason movie how bad can it be? Well, I got my answer, because it wasn’t bad, it was just blah. What happened?
underused-jason
First off, I think Derek Mears (Jason 2009) was so underused. He really did have the potential to be a great Jason, instead he was barely on screen and when he was it was hard to make out the kills. Mears is agile and huge. Use him. I guarantee he was up for the challenge. Instead he seemed to popping up in odd places, and he was so poorly lit. Did Christian Bale yell at your lighting guy as well? It was really hard at times to tell what was he was doing.

The kills. Really? I mean come on fellas we are supposed to be the generation of desensitized, violent video game players. You are going to have to do better than that. You have Spielberg money backing you; you could have gone all out. How did the 1980’s Friday manage to have more blood than this movie? Are you sure it was R, because it felt PG-13 to me. Even the copycat kills seemed watered down and the new kills, again really. A suggestion: You should have just let him beat the girl in the sleeping bag against the tree like the original, that was better. Instead you set her on fire, not scary, not funny, just… :\
sister-brother
Where was the Jason sound? Sorry, boys it ain’t Jason without the kill, kill, kill sound. I will give you an A for effort in the comedy; there were moments that were funny, not side splitting, but cleaver. I won’t spoil the plot; you already know it. Jason’s drowns, Mommy goes crazy, offs everyone, girl cuts mommy’s head off, Jason watches, comes back from dead to kill everyone else. But, there’s a stupid twist, they would have never freakin’ happened, but it’s a horror movie so we’ll ignore it. I’m just saying it wasn’t really that necessary to the plot, but I guess we had to get Padalecki in the movie somehow right?

I don’t know my two year old niece might see this in 10 years or so, and feel about it the way I feel about Friday the 13th 1980. But, to me it was a huge let down. It felt more like a MTV production rather, than the “re-imagining” Fuller, Form and Bay promised us. I don’t care what they say; this movie was aimed solely at new fans. It literally shot us old fans the big proverbial bird. Now, more than ever I am frightened about what they are going to do to A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Your turn. Thoughts, groans, moans.

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