This contains big time spoilers. If you haven’t watched the episode, I am advising you turn back now.**

It’s not Lafayette!!! It’s not Lafayette!!! One more it’s not Lafayette!!! I repeat Lafayette is not dead…yet. Yeaaaaa! After making us sweat and cry and mourn the death of our loved one Lafayette we find it was not his red toes in the car, but those of Ms. Jeanette. Ms. Jeanette of the traveling voodoo van. She will be missed by us all, or basically by Tara’s mother, Lettie.

Hell, where do I start? The episode was called,Nothhing But the Blood. After I sat back down from doing the happy dance, we discover that someone has not only killed Ms. Jeanette but pulled her heart out. Two guesses as to whom? Her name rhymes with Candy Land. How about the professor and … and… and. You get where I’m going, right?

Bill the vampire is green. Goob job Bill, he recycles and everything. And if you really think about it, he must save so much more on electricity. Good for him. Bill is also trying to teach his new charge rules and how not dress like a wench. He actually said slather or something close to that, but I like my word better. I have to say it, I like Jessica! She is going to bring some funny to the unfunny Bill. Jessica also looks like she might cause some trouble for Sookie and Bill’s relationship. Excellent! We also catch up with Stupid Hot aka, Jason, getting more and more involved in the cult, Fellowship of the Sun. He wasn’t naked enough this episode, but here’s hoping that would be cured soon.

Ok, get me a crowbar, some rope, dynamite or a blowtorch, something we need to rescue Lafayette from his captors. Alan Ball pulled off the fast one of the TV watching century! Ball basically turned the second book on its ear, which since it spares Lafayette makes me happy. Not only has Lafayette been in the dungeon for days, but he gets a new annoying roommate. Yup, it’s the redneck dude Lafayette beat up last season. After Tara tells the police about Ms. Jeanette and they think she’s nuts, her less crazy, less drunk mom shows up and Maryann decides to go off on poor Lettie for being a bad mom. Which she is, but I still don’t like Maryann that much and I am looking forward to her real intentions being revealed.

I don’t know if you guys remember this, but last season Sookie started to get on my nerves. Well, that didn’t stop last night, she still gets on my nerves. First she got angry at Bill for turning Jessica. I think she forgot he was being punished for killing Longwhatshisface for her. Then she got her panties all in a bunch because Bill killed old Uncle Child Molester. Uncle Bartlett left Sookie all his money. Was that payment in full? Can I just say ewwww on that? Anyway she gave the money to Stupid Hot, which he took as a sign to go even deeper into the vampire hating cult.

I really enjoyed getting some background on Sam and Maryann. Did anyone else feel really bad for him, when he saw Tara kisses Eggs? Can we get someone on the show to date Sam pronto? At first I was groaning at the cheese that was Bill’s confession of his love for Sookie, but I was really shocked at how hotly that sh*t ended. That was a smoking ass love scene I must say.

I almost forgot, we find out its actually Eric holding Lafayette and the redneck dude. Eric emerged from upstairs, where apparently he was getting his roots done. He put a serious beat down on the redneck, literally tearing his arms out the sockets and beating him with them. Overall this was an awesome way to kick off the season. I would have liked to see some more naked Jason, but you can’t have it all. I would give it a 8.5/10 if I were rating it. Thoughts, groans and moans? Theories.

I will leave you guys with these questions for next week’s episode:
Will Eric add some lowlights to his color?
Who actually killed Ms. Jeanette? Maryann (my theory), the Fellowship church or the vamps
How long before Jason sleeps with the preacher’s wife?
Will Tara sleep with Eggs?
And most importantly will Eric turn Lafayette?